WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
