The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
