I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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