i jhust puked up my retainher.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
