Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
