I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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