dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
