I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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