dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
