I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
