i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize