I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
