quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
