Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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