Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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