So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
