Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
