Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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