this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
