I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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