I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
