Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize