similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
