i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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