I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
