During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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