my vag is so smooth its legendary
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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