Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
