If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
