Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize