Don't you send me to vm
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
