I'll bet she douches with gravy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
