Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
