what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
