i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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