take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
