the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
