That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize