I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
