He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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