I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
