That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize