hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
