Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's no shave November. This is our time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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