looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
