you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
