Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
