At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
