I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
