If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
