So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Bring me that man meat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
