You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
