He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
