I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
