So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
