Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
