i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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