Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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