I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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