Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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