tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
