i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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