i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
