the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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