I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
