Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
