I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
