Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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