She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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