Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
