How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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