So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
