At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have aggressive nipples.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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