So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
