If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
