It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize