My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
