So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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