People in love make me want to vomit
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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