i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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