i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
tell me about the eggs
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
