So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
