a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
