dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
