Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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