My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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