O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize