This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
