glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
