Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
