Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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