Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
