What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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