Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
