Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
