therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
