I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
